Quotes & Jokes by Bob Saget / page 4
I can't do negative, needy, or narcissistic anymore. Oh wait, I can still do the last one, aw nuts.
I would actually go up during those; it was kind of scary for the people at first and then they were happy. Now, there's a couple amazing people out on the road like Pablo Francisco and Dane Cook is out there and they're building a huge audience with the craft of stand up comedy.
Just went to the gym and worked on every body part. Four people slapped me.
The secret to raising children is to love them... And teach them to operate in a way you can tolerate them the best.
If 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger,' how do you explain zombies?
I love watching people get hit in the crotch. But only if they get back up. If their teeth are bleeding, if they're really hurt, if an ambulance has to come, I'm not laughing.
Every day you need to look yourself in the mirror and say, 'Don't be talking to yourself in the mirror today, you're alone in your house.'
Ahhh, where is my face?! I lost so much face on that show, I don't even exist anymore!
That would be a good public service announcement for Nickelodeon: "Hi, this is Bob Saget. Don't fuck that shit. Stay in school. And read!"
My mom told me she thinks a man in the market felt her up today. I asked, "Where did he touch you?" She said, "On my knee, Bobby."
I am fucked up. I apologize from the bottom of my cock. I'm sorry for my ass and my sack. It's my fault, my bad. Who's your daddy? Say my name, look me in the eye.
My girlfriend just told me I am one of the smartest people she knows. I told her, "You need to meet other people."
It's never good to change yourself for someone else. Unless you really suck.