Quotes & Jokes by Bob Saget / page 5
Concerned we're in a time where politicians can't even fake sincerity. Aren't they supposed to be good at that?
That would be a good public service announcement for Nickelodeon: "Hi, this is Bob Saget. Don't fuck that shit. Stay in school. And read!"
One of the first things I said when I signed on for the show was "No hugs!" Full House was all based on hugs.
If you're a host of a video show and you're on the cleanest show on television for eight years, people want to say, 'Well, that's what that person does.' That was the dilemma for me, career-wise.
Some guys shave it up. Um, Dave Coulier from Full House shaves his balls. Tell you friends, tell everybody. Tell the world. Tell the world. Joey shaves his balls. I've said it. On television.
Because I am a fuckin' genius... according to my gynecologist, who said "That clitoris is gigantic."
I'm a believer that when one door closes another one opens. But why does the one opening always hit me full-speed-knob-first into my nuts?
I was going to do a big radio show, and I said to my driver, 'Radio can wait, take me to the Full House house.' It literally was a drive-by. I photobombed the Full House house yesterday. I took like 20 pictures because I thought I didn't look good in any of these - you can't see the house! You gotta really show that that's the house!
A good way to keep your relationship together is not to scream in terror when you see your partner naked.
I have New Age friends who gave their little girl a toolbox of plastic tools. They were horrified later that night when they came into her room and found out she was putting the hammer to bed.
My humor was kind of from my dad and all the stuff that we went through, which was a lot of death. My humor was an escape.
Apparently my street has a leaf blower gang who tag team all day, so the sounds of the leaf blower are forever blowing from dawn to dusk.
Life can be really hard some times but its better than being a butterfly where you only live a month.