Quotes & Jokes by Bob Saget / page 6
Some people rely on rumors and gossip because they are devoid of any original thought.
If someone sprays windex in your food it can give you diarrhea. But once you wipe it off your windows, you're fine.
What I have now are good problems of trying to decide and what I really want to do is good work next. My phone's ringing a lot more and I've got nine lines so when it doesn't ring, it's very frustrating.
I think comedy is on an organic upsurge right now because when I started, it was 1978 at The Comedy Store and Letterman had just stopped emceeing his morning show.
This woman woke up to see me and John Stamos banging on her windows. She must have thought she died and went to sitcom hell.
John and I were gay together once... Wait, that's not true. He was gay and I just laid there. Thank you, John, for giving me your heiny last night.
My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: "As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward."
Some people say kissing is more intimate than sex... I guess, if you’re kissing someone’s butt hole.
I've had a pilot every single year that didn't sell for the past four years, that'll smack you in the back of the head. I had a really good one last year; I wouldn't have done the play in New York if I had gotten that one.
They say, "Keep your enemies closer." But what if you live with them?
Life can be really hard some times but its better than being a butterfly where you only live a month.
What do you do if you're in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her "to get kitchen scissors?"
Yet there are some people - Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever; he's a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I'm doing it right now and you all seem bored.