Quotes & Jokes by Bob Saget / page 7
They say, "Keep your enemies closer." But what if you live with them?
Yet there are some people - Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever; he's a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I'm doing it right now and you all seem bored.
I think comedy is on an organic upsurge right now because when I started, it was 1978 at The Comedy Store and Letterman had just stopped emceeing his morning show.
Around comics, I've always been known for, oh, that's not dirty, this is dirty.
The other day my twelve-year-old says to me, "I don't feel like I'm with you right now. You're in the car with me, you're checking your e-mail, you're not listening to me, I don't feel like I'm with you." And I say, "You know what? That was your mother's gripe, too. And she was right. And you're also correct." When you cop to something, you get to the next level. In this case, the next level is: I just learned something from my twelve-year-old.
Saw a man in Whole Foods yelling at his son, "What are you doing?! You know I don't eat bread!!" Is there such a thing as health food abuse?
It's so nice to share a day as beautiful as this one with hundreds of thousands of reckless drivers.
This woman woke up to see me and John Stamos banging on her windows. She must have thought she died and went to sitcom hell.
My dad's like, "If your mom and I are having sex and we videotape it and she falls out of bed funny, can I win ten-thousand dollars?"
Met a girl the other nite and told her- Before you can be with someone you have to know the value of yourself. So does $200 seem reasonable?
Just went to a lovely Catholic wedding. I need a drink. They didn't even offer us water. Well they did, but it was Holy water.