Quotes & Jokes by Bob Saget / page 7

Around comics, I've always been known for, oh, that's not dirty, this is dirty.

My humor was kind of from my dad and all the stuff that we went through, which was a lot of death. My humor was an escape.

I'm glad 'bad ass' doesn't mean 'bad' 'ass.'

I'm a lucky bastard. You know it and I know it.

It's so nice to share a day as beautiful as this one with hundreds of thousands of reckless drivers.

The greatness of a man is only measured by his urologist.

There are no "I's" in "we" but there are two "i's" in "Wii."

My dad's like, "If your mom and I are having sex and we videotape it and she falls out of bed funny, can I win ten-thousand dollars?"

People do what they do to each other and they feed on it.

Met a girl the other nite and told her- Before you can be with someone you have to know the value of yourself. So does $200 seem reasonable?

It's okay to get stoned, as long as its not by other people.

I think Desperate Housewives is a pretty good show, I watch it, I like it and I don't love reality tv that much. I do watch some, I've got three daughters so we'll watch the good stuff, the fun stuff.

As time goes on, the more I value doctors and plumbers. Doctors a little more. I can fix my own toilet but I still can't operate on myself.

Just went to a lovely Catholic wedding. I need a drink. They didn't even offer us water. Well they did, but it was Holy water.

Sometimes I wish I hadn't said something foolish. It is then that I realize the power of mime.