Quotes & Jokes by Bob Saget / page 7

Yet there are some people - Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever; he's a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I'm doing it right now and you all seem bored.

I'm glad 'bad ass' doesn't mean 'bad' 'ass.'

As time goes on, the more I value doctors and plumbers. Doctors a little more. I can fix my own toilet but I still can't operate on myself.

I'm a lucky bastard. You know it and I know it.

This woman woke up to see me and John Stamos banging on her windows. She must have thought she died and went to sitcom hell.

There are no "I's" in "we" but there are two "i's" in "Wii."

My humor was kind of from my dad and all the stuff that we went through, which was a lot of death. My humor was an escape.

Life can be really hard some times but its better than being a butterfly where you only live a month.

It's okay to get stoned, as long as its not by other people.

People do what they do to each other and they feed on it.

Just went to a lovely Catholic wedding. I need a drink. They didn't even offer us water. Well they did, but it was Holy water.

My dad's like, "If your mom and I are having sex and we videotape it and she falls out of bed funny, can I win ten-thousand dollars?"

Met a girl the other nite and told her- Before you can be with someone you have to know the value of yourself. So does $200 seem reasonable?

I think Desperate Housewives is a pretty good show, I watch it, I like it and I don't love reality tv that much. I do watch some, I've got three daughters so we'll watch the good stuff, the fun stuff.

Sometimes I wish I hadn't said something foolish. It is then that I realize the power of mime.