Quotes & Jokes by Bob Saget / page 8

Just went to a lovely Catholic wedding. I need a drink. They didn't even offer us water. Well they did, but it was Holy water.

I think Desperate Housewives is a pretty good show, I watch it, I like it and I don't love reality tv that much. I do watch some, I've got three daughters so we'll watch the good stuff, the fun stuff.

I just tied a string around my penis so I don't forget it.

I don't roll like that but I've never been with a hooker either. Yeah, that's good to say in an interview cause I feel bad a little because people grew up watching me and that's a little disturbing.

Even John's dick has a great hairline. On "Full House," John's dick had a mullet.

Valuable people are undervalued.

There was this whole middle time that only Chris Rock came out of, you know, 10 years ago it was Chris and a few other people, but that's about it. Chris is in a class of his own; I don't see another comedian who I put in high regard as him.

I can't go back now. I've done it. I've gone and done it.

They go nuts. They flash me their boobs. And that's just the guys.

My favorite Dylan song? I think it's 'Just Like a Woman.' It always makes me cry.

Paul Riser tells it in an interesting way; he dissects it and tells the structure, you know, 'you don't mention that part here.' But that's what's interesting about it and the people who are absent are interesting too.

If you laugh at that, you lower the bar, and I will limbo under it because I am a fucked-up guy!

I'm fortunate to know a lot of incredibly talented people, and they all want to be a penguin.

What I've learned about comedy people is that they're defined by the harshest level they've been to, their personal Auschwitz.

It was a job; the video show was a job; you don't tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o'clock at night on network tv, it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff, I like clean stuff too.