Quotes & Jokes by Bob Saget / page 9
I don't call her my middle child, I call her my center child, Because the world revolves around her.
Norm is such a horrible gambler, he bet Jon Lovitz would be funny tonight.
What I've learned about comedy people is that they're defined by the harshest level they've been to, their personal Auschwitz.
I'm doing 5000 seat theaters and audiences are going nuts, it's fantastic and it makes me very happy. I'm dirty, but not like this; I just do comedy that I find funny. I'm working on a new tv show for cable and it's not set up yet.
Today is a brand new day. A day of change, of promise, of creativity, of kindness, and of love. I'm going back to bed.
Thank you, sir. Thank you very much. I assumed you were a guy, you might have female parts. I don't know per-say. And I don't mean to call it a per-say, but it might be... with sack.
The nature of comedy is "just do it". But I think what's interesting about it is this joke has been around and why. And it's just saying what's wrong and how wrong can you be if you say it.
They say the measure of a man is judged by the company he keeps. I'm fucked.
I have a feeling I'm going to wake up one day and say "I can't do dirty stuff anymore, I want to go all clean". I'll do clean stuff too, I like to entertain people. Then they egged me on; we shot it at The Laugh Factory.
My haircutter figured out I whine less if I'm under general anesthesia. I just hope when I awaken they haven't given me a Brazilian wax.
Full House gave me Tourette's. We would be on the set, and, action! "Okay, Michelle, you can't have a horse in the house." and, cut! "Cock shit fuck!"