Quotes & Jokes by Chic Murray / page 3

If something’s neither here nor there, where the hell is it?

My girlfriend’s a redhead; No hair, just a red head.

We’ve got stained glass windows in our house; it’s those damned pigeons.

It was a pretty posh place. They were so used to fur coats that two bears strolled in and ordered lunch and nobody even noticed.

My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time he got back.

There’s a new slimming course just out where they remove all your bones. Not only do you weigh less, but you also look so much more relaxed.