Quotes & Jokes by Chris Rock / page 10

I'm severely overrated. I'm just above a hack.

I'm happy if everybody else is. I'm a big brother, the oldest. If you're happy and I'm not, I'm cool with that. If I'm happy and you're not, I'm sad.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.

After I left high school and got my GED, I studied broadcast journalism for a year at a community college.

I'm a rap comedian the same way Bill Cosby is a jazz comedian, Cosby's laid back. I'm like, bang, bang bang, right into it.

Every comedian has a moment in his life when he realizes he's a little bit different from everyone else. It's like being the only guy in a movie who sees the ghost. The ghost talks to you and you talk to him. Then you turn to your friend and say, "Hey. Do you see that ghost?" And he says, "What ghost?"

Relationships, easy to get into, hard to maintain. Why are they so hard to maintain? Because it’s hard to keep up the lie! ‘Cause you can’t get nobody being you. You got to lie to get somebody.

You know those guys that go to the strip club at the daytime? If you're at a strip club, and the sun is out, you got some problems!

I'm like the Hulk on stage. It's way over the top. That's Bizarro Chris. Sometimes I get off stage and go "What did I say?!" I'll watch one of my stand-up specials a year later and go "Eww, that was mean."

Kids always act up the most before they go to sleep.

If you're black, you got to look at America a little bit different. You got to look at America like the uncle who paid for you to go to college, but who molested you.

The material comes from whenever you realize that you and someone else have something in common. So any conversation you've had more than once, anything you see happening to you that you see happening to a friend, you go, "Hmmm, that's a situation I can make funny."

You can't be happy that fire cooks your food and be mad it burns your fingertips.

It's my real name. My mother's name is Rose Rock. It was the worst name as a kid to have. They called me Piece of the Rock, Plymouth Rock, Joe Rockid, and Flintstones. Now they call me Mister Rock.