Quotes & Jokes by Chris Rock / page 11

You know those guys that go to the strip club at the daytime? If you're at a strip club, and the sun is out, you got some problems!

Every comedian has a moment in his life when he realizes he's a little bit different from everyone else. It's like being the only guy in a movie who sees the ghost. The ghost talks to you and you talk to him. Then you turn to your friend and say, "Hey. Do you see that ghost?" And he says, "What ghost?"

I live way below my means.

You can't be happy that fire cooks your food and be mad it burns your fingertips.

The material comes from whenever you realize that you and someone else have something in common. So any conversation you've had more than once, anything you see happening to you that you see happening to a friend, you go, "Hmmm, that's a situation I can make funny."

Bill Cosby was the first comedian I was exposed to, because he doesn't curse.

I'm never proper or careful, but I never curse in front of my mother, either.

After I left high school and got my GED, I studied broadcast journalism for a year at a community college.

My movies are okay, but they're not my specials.

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

I've seen women who don't have great relationships with their dads, and it all comes down to this: You have to tell girls you love them every day.

Is it just me, or is he the greasiest nigga you ever seen in your life? Every time Jermaine comes on, I gotta wipe the grease off the screen! Can't see shit! Jermaine must have been on. Even the police can't catch his ass, 'cause every time they try, he just slips out! They be like, "Somebody throw some sand on that nigga! Please!"

I'm a nerd. I'm a little guy... the last guy you'd expect in a romantic movie.

Sometimes people offer you plays, they offer you parts, but they only offer it because I'm famous.

Comedy is a group activity, a verbal orgy.