Quotes & Jokes by Chris Rock / page 11

Movies have takes. But plays are like life - you don't really get takes.

It's my real name. My mother's name is Rose Rock. It was the worst name as a kid to have. They called me Piece of the Rock, Plymouth Rock, Joe Rockid, and Flintstones. Now they call me Mister Rock.

If you're black, you got to look at America a little bit different. You got to look at America like the uncle who paid for you to go to college, but who molested you.

If you said more words to him than "mommy'll be back", he might know something!

Kids always act up the most before they go to sleep.

You can only offend me if you mean something to me.

When I hear people talk about juggling, or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they're crazy, because 'sacrifice' infers that there was something better to do than being with your children.

You know those guys that go to the strip club at the daytime? If you're at a strip club, and the sun is out, you got some problems!

I'm a rap comedian the same way Bill Cosby is a jazz comedian, Cosby's laid back. I'm like, bang, bang bang, right into it.

My first year on 'SNL', I made $90,000 dollars.

After I left high school and got my GED, I studied broadcast journalism for a year at a community college.

Not a Harvard-type education, just a not-sticking-up-a-liquor-store-type education.

You got a gun, you don't have to work out.

The material comes from whenever you realize that you and someone else have something in common. So any conversation you've had more than once, anything you see happening to you that you see happening to a friend, you go, "Hmmm, that's a situation I can make funny."

I've been married for 10 years and, you know, it's hard, you spruce it up and you go places. How do you spruce up anything? Artificially. You go places and do things.