Quotes & Jokes by Chris Rock / page 11
I don't write jokes first. I write down topics. I think of what I want to talk about, and then I write the jokes - they don't write me... And even if you don't think it's funny, you won't think it's boring. You might disagree, but you'll listen. And maybe even laugh as you disagree.
I love my life, but I don't think I'm any happier than my younger brother Andre, who drives a garbage truck.
If you're black, you got to look at America a little bit different. You got to look at America like the uncle who paid for you to go to college, but who molested you.
If you mention to a woman that the song is disgusting and mysoginistic, they all give you the same answer: "He ain't talking 'bout me!" Smack her with a dick, smack her with a dick … He said your name! "No, he didn't!" Smack her with a dick, smack her with a dick …
It's my real name. My mother's name is Rose Rock. It was the worst name as a kid to have. They called me Piece of the Rock, Plymouth Rock, Joe Rockid, and Flintstones. Now they call me Mister Rock.
Movies have takes. But plays are like life - you don't really get takes.
Not a Harvard-type education, just a not-sticking-up-a-liquor-store-type education.
Women would rule the world - if only they'd stop bitchin' about each other.
If you said more words to him than "mommy'll be back", he might know something!
I've been married for 10 years and, you know, it's hard, you spruce it up and you go places. How do you spruce up anything? Artificially. You go places and do things.
I'm happy if everybody else is. I'm a big brother, the oldest. If you're happy and I'm not, I'm cool with that. If I'm happy and you're not, I'm sad.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.