Quotes & Jokes by Chris Rock / page 11
You can't be happy that fire cooks your food and be mad it burns your fingertips.
Oprah is rich, Bill Gates is wealthy. If Bill Gates woke up tomorrow with Oprah's money, he'd jump out a fuckin' window and slit his throat on the way down saying, "I can't even put gas in my plane!"
Bill Cosby was the first comedian I was exposed to, because he doesn't curse.
Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional funny guy.
I'm never proper or careful, but I never curse in front of my mother, either.
I've been married for 10 years and, you know, it's hard, you spruce it up and you go places. How do you spruce up anything? Artificially. You go places and do things.
Sometimes people offer you plays, they offer you parts, but they only offer it because I'm famous.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
If you live with a single parent, you don't see compromise. You witness a grown person living in a world where they do what they want to do. When you are raised by two parents, you are constantly watching compromise take place. Just by observing that, it made me a better person.
If you said more words to him than "mommy'll be back", he might know something!
When I hear people talk about juggling, or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they're crazy, because 'sacrifice' infers that there was something better to do than being with your children.