Quotes & Jokes by Chris Rock / page 9
Whenever I go out with other married couples, I like to bring along a single crackhead. Just to spice things up.
All people naturally hate. My kid bites people now. I didn't teach my kid to bite anybody. Kids say mean stuff. Only through love do we get this evil out of them. Only through love and structure and discipline do they not hate. The kids that hate didn't learn anything, that's the problem.
I think pretty soon people gonna be fuckin' for gas. I think people already fuckin' for gas. Some of y'all in here tonight are fuckin' for gas. Like 'Girl, why you with him?' He filled up my tank.
Most parts in comedy, they're not really written for men. They're written for, like, these boy-men.
Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
I love my life, but I don't think I'm any happier than my younger brother Andre, who drives a garbage truck.
I pride myself on being the guy who can do Def Comedy Jam and Charlie Rose. And do well on both.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
I'm happy if everybody else is. I'm a big brother, the oldest. If you're happy and I'm not, I'm cool with that. If I'm happy and you're not, I'm sad.
If you properly clean a room, it gets dirtier before it gets cleaner.
Nobody's good. I hate it. I truly hate it. I mean, there's a lot of guys doing stuff I admire, but stand-up-wise I feel very alone. I really miss Bill Hicks. I wish I could have put him on my show. And I really miss Sam Kinison a lot. Richard Pryor's sick... It's like you get here and then, oh wait a minute, there's nobody here any more. I feel like the guy who finally got into Studio 54, three years too late, "Duh, where are all the famous people?"
Every comedian has a moment in his life when he realizes he's a little bit different from everyone else. It's like being the only guy in a movie who sees the ghost. The ghost talks to you and you talk to him. Then you turn to your friend and say, "Hey. Do you see that ghost?" And he says, "What ghost?"