Quotes & Jokes by Chris Rock / page 13

Before I was a comedian, I thought the coolest thing that would happen to me was to be a teenager. Boy, was I wrong.

I do what I can do when I can do it.

Women would rule the world - if only they'd stop bitchin' about each other.

Funny is only something that others know about you - you can't be funny by yourself.

You don't need a critic to tell you people aren't laughing.

Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.

You know, just right place right time, lucked up. Thank God for animation. I can turn down a lot of movies now.

It's no different. It's not like I ever cursed around my mother or anything. I never had a hard time turning it on and off. It's like you enter another country - sometimes you're in a cursing country and then you're in a kid's country.

There's no interference in stand-up. It's all the things it's hard to get in film: I get to have a wife, I get to have kids. I get to be sexual. I get to grow. I get to be a man.

I think my best work is when I'm kind of in charge.

You can write a great country record and still be angry. Who's angrier than Toby Keith? He's angrier than the average 10 rappers.

The key to staying together is making sure you guys like each other and need each other.

I like the tradition of the Oscars. I like that some of the greatest comedians ever have hosted the show.

I've seen women who don't have great relationships with their dads, and it all comes down to this: You have to tell girls you love them every day.

I always say there's no more little girls, just boys with breasts. Girls act like boys nowadays. Teenage girls, they go after boys. They're predatory just like boys. My goal is to keep my girls, girls.