Quotes & Jokes by Chris Rock / page 8
How do I say this without sounding like an egomaniac? I don't know a comedian that sells more seats than me in the red states and blue states, so I don't see where I have to change that much.
Daddy pays for the water, daddy pays for the gas, daddy pays for the electricity, and if daddy didn't pay for the electricity, he'd pay for the candle on your nightstand, so you can study for the big test tomorrow.
I love having somebody there - that companion thing. You know who you're going to eat with, who you're going to see a movie with.
I think if I were to get as big as I could get, it does change your mind-state. I think like the little man. I think like the underdog. I don't want to change that.
No film critic's going to say it, but 'Madagascar 3' is better than 'The Artist.'
Most parts in comedy, they're not really written for men. They're written for, like, these boy-men.
Even if you meet the perfect person, it ain't gonna be at the perfect time. You're married, they're single. That's right. You're Jewish, they're Palestinian. You're a Mexican, they're a raccoon. You're a black woman, he's a black man.
I'm in show business... I want to hang out with Janet Jackson, not Jesse Jackson.
You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it's your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You're probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you're gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years.
I just remember that whenever I got really mad or passionate, like in an argument, people would laugh, and I'd be dead serious. It would happen a lot. So it was like, "Gee, I've got something here."
Whenever I go out with other married couples, I like to bring along a single crackhead. Just to spice things up.
All people naturally hate. My kid bites people now. I didn't teach my kid to bite anybody. Kids say mean stuff. Only through love do we get this evil out of them. Only through love and structure and discipline do they not hate. The kids that hate didn't learn anything, that's the problem.
Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.