Quotes & Jokes by Chris Rock / page 8

School shootings were invented by blacks... and stolen by the white man.

My goal in life was to host the MTV Awards, because it's the awards show that Prince sang on, and that was the awards show that Eddie Murphy hosted and Arsenio hosted.

The best part is just having a partner. There is no real worst part. I'm not going to say there's a worst part. I mean I'm a comedian - comedians like to work alone. So maybe I'm not the ideal guy to be married to, in that sense.

It's just sad to see some white person trying to do a nigger-less rendition of a Dr. Dre song. It's just fuckin' depressing.

That's right, "tell your mama", "tell your mama", "tell your mama" … nobody tells daddy shit!

Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know?

I think pretty soon people gonna be fuckin' for gas. I think people already fuckin' for gas. Some of y'all in here tonight are fuckin' for gas. Like 'Girl, why you with him?' He filled up my tank.

Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else.

You don't pay taxes - they take taxes.

Hollywood's just not funny.

All people naturally hate. My kid bites people now. I didn't teach my kid to bite anybody. Kids say mean stuff. Only through love do we get this evil out of them. Only through love and structure and discipline do they not hate. The kids that hate didn't learn anything, that's the problem.

I'm in show business... I want to hang out with Janet Jackson, not Jesse Jackson.

Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies.

You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it's your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You're probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you're gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years.

I love having somebody there - that companion thing. You know who you're going to eat with, who you're going to see a movie with.