Quotes & Jokes by Dana Gould / page 12
Let's all start wearing bolo ties, and when they become hip again, we'll all say we were kidding.
Shouldn't the trophy for the Grammys be a sweet, old lady giving you a pie?
When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.
Once you've been an astronaut and you've gone on a mission, doesn't the rest of your life just add up to one big disappointment after another? What are their daily lives like? ‘Golly gee, I caught a fish! Ha ha! This reminds me of that time I walked on the fucking moon!’
The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb.
I am faced with a bruising dilemma: pay to fix the dishwasher or continue serving everything in waffle cones.
Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?
There’s nothing like a string of Xmas lights inside the house to make the whole family feel like they live in a vintage clothing store.
A lot of people have a particular song that, no matter their mood, turns them on. With me, it's Eleanor Rigby.
There's something profoundly disturbing about watching an old guy eat a sandwich.
If I had a dreamcatcher when I was thirteen, it would have spent many long days in the dryer.
Although I love the taste of Nutrageous bars, I am nutraged at their new, high price.