Quotes & Jokes by Dana Gould / page 15
Always think twice before asking anything of anyone that ends in the words, "on your face."
Superheroes. Because we needed something to make regular heroes feel shitty.
New synonyms for sex: ""Going to a family function," "getting the hard part over with," "anti-fillet." Get it? Sex!
Every time I fold the baby's clothes I feel like a giant that got a housekeeping job with a nice family.
In an effort to look cool, I am going to stop shouting "Hey, you!" at airplanes.
If Jesus was a baby, there was a point, on that Holiest of nights, in that Holiest of mangers, where he made a big, Holy load.
Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.
Have you noticed since Global Warming took hold that all the snowmen look kind of angry?
What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? "Give me your cell number."
Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
For men there are costumes like "fireman," "policeman" and "vampire." For women there are costumes like "slutty fireman," "slutty policeman" and "slutty vampire."
It's the perfect joke. Just hearing out loud descriptions of giddy shit-covered incest. And other poems by Maya Angelou.