Quotes & Jokes by Dana Gould / page 16
Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
It's the perfect joke. Just hearing out loud descriptions of giddy shit-covered incest. And other poems by Maya Angelou.
Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.
If Jesus was a baby, there was a point, on that Holiest of nights, in that Holiest of mangers, where he made a big, Holy load.
"Anything is possible if you believe in yourself," said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.
For men there are costumes like "fireman," "policeman" and "vampire." For women there are costumes like "slutty fireman," "slutty policeman" and "slutty vampire."
Somewhere a woman is praying her toddler wins a beauty pageant. I say this because sometimes people wonder why God lets tornadoes happen.
Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: "If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus."
If life begins at conception, but you can be "born again" later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?
As hipster chicks age, and their skin starts to sag, tramp stamps sink below waistbands, like the sun slipping into the sea...
It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.