Quotes & Jokes by Dana Gould / page 16
Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: "If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus."
If life begins at conception, but you can be "born again" later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?
"There must be a way to get more of these in me faster," thought the inventor of pea soup as he sat eating peas.
The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
What men say: "I'm sorry, honey. I was wrong." What men think: "I'd love a Chipwich. I should go get one."
There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.
Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
Live every day as if it were your last. Then, the next day, pretend you're a ghost!
Even if I say, "Everyone in the village died of diarrhea," I still laugh a little after "diarrhea".
Something tells me that Mitt Romney’s sex face is the same as his regular face.
As hipster chicks age, and their skin starts to sag, tramp stamps sink below waistbands, like the sun slipping into the sea...
The Republican Party is the party of Eddie Haskell and the principal from Ferris Bueller's Day Off.