Quotes & Jokes by Dana Gould / page 17
The Republican Party is the party of Eddie Haskell and the principal from Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
A good competition for comedians would be where a comedian has a conversation and is then quizzed on what the other person says.
Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
What men say: "I'm sorry, honey. I was wrong." What men think: "I'd love a Chipwich. I should go get one."
No one has ever thought this: Now that I'm out of therapy and have fixed my mental problems, I think I want to be a ventriloquist.
As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.
I once felt bad because I had no blog, and then I met a man who had no podcast.
Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold "Beard Of Bees" competitions.
Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.
I bet when all the punctuation marks have a party, they quietly look at exclamation point's wife and think, "that poor woman."
Please don't let all the freak storms and climate change lead you to believe in freak storms and climate change.