Quotes & Jokes by Dana Gould / page 17
Even if I say, "Everyone in the village died of diarrhea," I still laugh a little after "diarrhea".
"Anything is possible if you believe in yourself," said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
The Republican Party is the party of Eddie Haskell and the principal from Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
I bet when all the punctuation marks have a party, they quietly look at exclamation point's wife and think, "that poor woman."
As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.
Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.
Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!
No one has ever thought this: Now that I'm out of therapy and have fixed my mental problems, I think I want to be a ventriloquist.
Please don't let all the freak storms and climate change lead you to believe in freak storms and climate change.
This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
Remember the good old days when "smuggling an underwear bomb" meant walking around with shit in your pants?
I once felt bad because I had no blog, and then I met a man who had no podcast.
It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.