Quotes & Jokes by Dana Gould / page 18
Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.
If I masturbate while Googling myself, which part is more redundant?
It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?
If Jesus was a baby, there was a point, on that Holiest of nights, in that Holiest of mangers, where he made a big, Holy load.
Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.
There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.
Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
If life begins at conception, but you can be "born again" later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?
Like many indelible family memories, carving a pumpkin begins with someone grabbing a really sharp knife.
One of the coolest things about the word "boobs" is, when you look at it, it has boobs.
Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
Somewhere a woman is praying her toddler wins a beauty pageant. I say this because sometimes people wonder why God lets tornadoes happen.