Quotes & Jokes by Dana Gould / page 4

They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward...

Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: "Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?"

I got some pills and they were awesome - I took them for a long time. And my New Age-y friends would go ‘you know, you’re still feeling your anxiety, you’re just masking it with medication.’ And I said ‘Yes! It’s what it says on the label of the fucking pill! You know, in the winter I still feel the cold, I just mask it with a coat. What is your addiction to suffering?’

If you read angry political blogs, substitute "Obama" with "my daddy" and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.

A giant python was discovered in Florida. Spooky news for a state that derives half it’s income from a giant mouse.

We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right.

My dogs love me. Of course, by "love" I mean "poop" and by "me" I mean "everywhere".

I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.

Usually the people that peak in high school are tragic, tragic adults. Most of them end up working for the water department in their hometown and driving around said high school as the decades slip past.

The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.

Competition is the death of art.

If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.

Republicans don't believe government works, and get into it to prove it will fail. Same with strippers and relationships.

Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.

I tried synchronized swimming, but felt, over time, I was just going through the motions.