Quotes & Jokes by Dana Gould / page 4
They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward...
Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.
My dogs love me. Of course, by "love" I mean "poop" and by "me" I mean "everywhere".
A giant python was discovered in Florida. Spooky news for a state that derives half it’s income from a giant mouse.
If you read angry political blogs, substitute "Obama" with "my daddy" and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
I got some pills and they were awesome - I took them for a long time. And my New Age-y friends would go ‘you know, you’re still feeling your anxiety, you’re just masking it with medication.’ And I said ‘Yes! It’s what it says on the label of the fucking pill! You know, in the winter I still feel the cold, I just mask it with a coat. What is your addiction to suffering?’
We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right.
The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.
Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.
Usually the people that peak in high school are tragic, tragic adults. Most of them end up working for the water department in their hometown and driving around said high school as the decades slip past.
The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.
If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.