Quotes & Jokes by Dana Gould / page 5
Usually the people that peak in high school are tragic, tragic adults. Most of them end up working for the water department in their hometown and driving around said high school as the decades slip past.
Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.
The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, "it's so full of dreams." Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.
This year, I just might achieve my goal of losing interest in absolutely everything. Not that I care...
Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. "Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!"
In the midst of all the candy and commercialism, let's not lose sight of the true meaning of Halloween: tree worship and animal sacrifice.
4th of July is the perfect holiday if you think America has too many fingers...
Love is like pancreatitis; it starts off slow, then builds in intensity until you become consumed and develop violent cramps.
I once felt bad because I had no shoes, and then I met a man who had no feet. He was wearing an ankle bracelet that kept falling off.
Why is it, when I have nothing to do, I drink more coffee? It's as if I'm in a big hurry to get nothing done.