Quotes & Jokes by Dane Cook / page 14

I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.

You have to learn the crowd. I just pay attention to them so I can make sure I can make them laugh.

We all hope for breakthrough rebirth moments.

If somebody calls and messes with you on the phone like that you don't become terrified, you mess back. If somebody calls and was like "have you checked the children?" I'd be like "I killed them!"

I can do more than just stand-up comedy, and the only way I'll be able to show that is if I do it myself. Because nobody trusts that I can do it.

You know your girls up to no good when her and her friends make a pact to post nothing on Instagram.

When you are doing stand-up comedy, you are the writer, producer, director, sometimes bouncer.

I’m more of a glass empty kinda guy. I look at it as having more room for ice.

You've gotta share what's going on in your mind.

You can’t become tempted if you just give in a little quicker.

I love being on stage if I'm not on a set. If I'm at home, I'm usually in my office editing or reconstructing my website or whatever it may be. I just love putting creativity into a performance, so if the right script comes along, and I certainly am reading comedies and dramas now, then I'm ready willing and able to give it a shot.

Girls that prevent other girls from getting laid - twat swatters.

Life is too short to waste your time, energy and love on a fucking asshole.

When you and your friends are just hanging out, you don't consider your buddies to have one specific style of comedy, you just like to shoot the shit, and whatever is funny works. And that's my mentality on stage. I don't care to be like "I'm the performer. Sit, listen, and laugh." I want it to feel like we're all just hanging out. And that's how I tell my stories.

When I first hit the scene, it was just a lot of go, go, go, go, go. I have a lot of natural energy anyway, but it was over the top.