Quotes & Jokes by Dane Cook / page 15
I'm glad that my parents missed one thing that was really unbelievable. They saw me hit this great success. It was a blast and we had a lot of laughs. And it was just an amazing time. They passed away. And then after I got, you know, famous, all these haters came out of nowhere.
When you are doing stand-up comedy, you are the writer, producer, director, sometimes bouncer.
I’m making a porno film today. Well, kinda. There’s no sex or people in it. It’s mainly time lapse video of landscapes eroding over time.
I say it with my tongue firmly planted in cheek but there's truth to it - being a comedian is very close to being a therapist. When you're working smaller clubs, you're listening. You're feeling an energy, you're going with a tone but when people start yelling out, you almost start a conversation with people.
Why do they call it the restroom? Is there anybody just resting in this room?
Life is too short to waste your time, energy and love on a fucking asshole.
I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people - how they act and such.
I like to play guitar, jam out, play the blues, go watch movies. I love movies.
The little boy inside of all us men always loves something video game related.
Every time you come in from cheating on someone, they'll just whip out the most adorable term of endearment. Like, they'll wake up, bright and early, sleep in their eyes and say: "Hey, perfect."
I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.
When I first hit the scene, it was just a lot of go, go, go, go, go. I have a lot of natural energy anyway, but it was over the top.