Quotes & Jokes by Dane Cook / page 18

Nothing is a better icebreaker than a great joke.

I’m a deep thinker when it comes to shallow no brainers.

If you take a negative, turn it inside out, it’s still a negative. You’re just revealing the ugly inside of negative so I say keep it as is.

Sometimes girls act all TNT Network because they know drama. That's when guys get all TBS around you because we think it's very funny.

You can easily tell if a person is lying and cheating on you if they say, I love you. I would never lie to you or cheat on you.

I get so into the moment.

It's easy to point the finger at someone else and place blame. Go head try it it's fun. Pick anyone and start blame placing the shit outta them.

I think that people who do enjoy my stand-up comedy and the people who get it and the people who are taken in by it, they see that I'm a guy that has love of the game.

I had never done a roast, but I really wanted to, because it's so different from standup.

I've been ignoring my feelings lately. That works pretty well. Might also settle for less this week, just to try it out.

You are the director of your own life story. Don’t cast idiots or people will walk out during your 2nd act.

Sometimes sex is just a way to escape having to talk to that person.

You know your gut instincts are spot on about a person when you can also detect a water source in the soil beneath them.

I’m not giving up on life. I’m giving up on today.

I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people - how they act and such.