Quotes & Jokes by Dave Chappelle / page 2
Somebody broke into my house once, this is a good time to call the police, but mmm..., nope. The house was too nice. It was a real nice house, but they'd never believe I lived in it. They'd be like 'He's still here!'
I was on vacation at Disney World, and everybody kept coming up to me and saying 'Hey, I'm Rick James, bitch.' I was like, 'Could you not call me a bitch in front of my kids?'
The mark of greatness is when everything before you is obsolete, and everything after you bears your mark.
The old baby on the corner trick a, not gonna fall for that shit.
If I can make a teacher's salary doing comedy, I think that's better than being a teacher.
I look at it like that word, 'nigger', used to be a word of oppression. But that when I say it, it feels more like an act of freedom. For me to be able to say that unapologetically on television.
My father told me 'Name your price in the beginning. If it ever gets more expensive than the price you name, get out of there.'
All I'll say about Elian is thank God he's Cuban. 'Cause if he was Haitian you'd've never heard about his ass. If Elian Gonzales was Elian Mumumbo from Haiti, they would've pushed that little rubber tube right back in the water. "Sorry little fella, all full. Good luck!"
Who got the part? Chris Tucker? Shit! Who got the other part? Tell me man. Jackie Chan? That mother fucker can't even speak English!
I don't really frick with Africa cause people are starving to death and that's not ballin' to me.