Quotes & Jokes by Dave Chappelle / page 3
All I'll say about Elian is thank God he's Cuban. 'Cause if he was Haitian you'd've never heard about his ass. If Elian Gonzales was Elian Mumumbo from Haiti, they would've pushed that little rubber tube right back in the water. "Sorry little fella, all full. Good luck!"
I don't really frick with Africa cause people are starving to death and that's not ballin' to me.
Wow. That's a good question. Is "I don't know" an acceptable answer?
What is wrong with me I just bought a bag of weed from an infant.
If you're Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, and your marriage is breaking up - that's an awful thing. But to see that speculation in people, it's gotta sting a little bit.
All white people talk about when they get high is other times that they got high.
Where I'm from? A little town called none of yo god damn business.
I see that they put every black man in the movies in a dress at some point in his career.
I care about the work I do. But I'm not going to say that money's not an issue.
Most of the people around me have a vested interest in how much money I make. You know, so a celebrity could find themselves in a position where people could have meetings about their life without them involved. And when I say 'their life' I mean not their professional life either. They could talk about their personal life.
I don’t believe in premature ejaculation. If I come, it was right on time.