Quotes & Jokes by Dave Chappelle / page 3
I don't really frick with Africa cause people are starving to death and that's not ballin' to me.
All I'll say about Elian is thank God he's Cuban. 'Cause if he was Haitian you'd've never heard about his ass. If Elian Gonzales was Elian Mumumbo from Haiti, they would've pushed that little rubber tube right back in the water. "Sorry little fella, all full. Good luck!"
Wow. That's a good question. Is "I don't know" an acceptable answer?
All white people talk about when they get high is other times that they got high.
If you're Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, and your marriage is breaking up - that's an awful thing. But to see that speculation in people, it's gotta sting a little bit.
I care about the work I do. But I'm not going to say that money's not an issue.
Where I'm from? A little town called none of yo god damn business.
Most of the people around me have a vested interest in how much money I make. You know, so a celebrity could find themselves in a position where people could have meetings about their life without them involved. And when I say 'their life' I mean not their professional life either. They could talk about their personal life.
I see that they put every black man in the movies in a dress at some point in his career.
I don’t believe in premature ejaculation. If I come, it was right on time.
Why don't you click your heels three times and go back to Africa.
Have you ever watched, like, a cartoon that you used to watch when you were little, as an adult? I was sittin' there with my nephew. I turned it on Sesame Street. And I was, like, "Oh, good. Sesame Street. Now he'll learn how to count and spell." But now I'm watching it as an adult and I realize that Sesame Street teaches kids other things. It teaches kids how to judge people and label people. That's right. They got this one character named Oscar. They treat this guy like shit the entire show. They judge him right to his face. "Oscar, you are so mean. Isn't he, kids?" "Yeah. Oscar, you're a grouch!" He's, like, "Bitch, I live in a fucking trash can! I'm the poorest motherfucker on Sesame Street. Nobody's helping me." Now you wonder why your kids grow up and step over homeless people, like, "Get it together, grouch. Get a job, grouch."