David Brenner Quotes and Jokes


Misers aren't fun to live with, but they make wonderful ancestors.

We cannot attain the presence of God. We're already totally in the presence of Fod. What's missing is awareness.

These particles can damage the cells in the lining of our lungs and produce lung cancer.

The bar has been raised for both Chicago teams.

What we want to do is raise the bare minimum amount that will give us a large enough microphone to effectively convey our message. Unfortunately, $20 million is critical mass in terms of running an effective campaign in New York.

When Mrs. Clinton ran for office, she promised economic growth across New York state, to bring in more than 200,000 jobs, ... She has not. We have lost jobs to outsourcing and globalization and to sending our jobs and industries to foreign countries.

I don't like to watch golf on television because I can't stand people who whisper.

A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children.

The truth is that God is to be found in all things - even and most especially in the painful, tragic and unpleasant things.

I said, 'How would you like to be in one place?' He said, 'What place?' I could have said, 'Des Moines.'

You know you're getting old when kids start to dress like you used to and movies are made about your teen life.

You know you're getting old when... you start to dress in more than six colours.

It isn't how much time you spend somewhere that makes it memorable; it's how you spend the time.

Its probably lower than that, but I doubt very much it's zero, ... It's a large number of Americans dying each year.

You could place one product in a first-run telecast, a second product what that program is rerun, and a third product when the show goes into syndication, and another product when it goes on cable.