Quotes & Jokes by David Cross / page 3
I am against the war, but I do support our white troops. No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm not a Republican. I'm not a member of the party of inclusion. Wonderful, tolerant, rational human beings they are...
If you wanna find out 101 things to do with plums, heh, read your in-flight magazine.
It's hip to be square. Remember that shitty song by that shitty band 20 motherfucking years ago?
Aqua Teen Hunger Force is one of the funniest shows on TV and I was a little intimidated working with those guys 'cause you're in a sound booth by yourself and they're all in a room in Atlanta.
We should just get somebody from the left and the right and they should all throw bumper stickers at each other and the first one to cover the other one wins.
In New York, you are constantly faced with this very urgent decision that you have to make, about every twenty minutes...you have to decide, immediately, you have to go "Ohmigod. Do I look at the most beautiful woman in the world or the craziest guy in the world?"
There are a lot of reasons for that. For one, we have good light here.
I do lots of other drugs but I smoke pot maybe 5-10 times a year now. I used to smoke it all the time, but I don't, and I haven't for awhile. That's just because it makes me - and I'm not saying this about everybody else - but it makes me kind of dumb and self-conscious.
I read the New York Times, and if I'm in a different city, I'll skim that paper.
And y'know, they're God's representatives, so that means... God fucks little boys.
The second piece of news is something that I would imagine most people have heard about by now. Arrested Development got picked up for a third season.
I work a lot and I like to get out and work but the work I do to make the other work work I'm not very good at.