Quotes & Jokes by David Spade / page 3

I'm scared of slipping up, of just doing a joke that makes me laugh.

Everyone is so weird in L.A. that if you're somewhat normal, it's exotic.

Success? You can't get a big head about it. When people stare at me, they could be whispering to their friend, 'That guy sucks! Have you seen him before? He's horrible.'

I have no detectable hair style.

Life's a garden, dig it.

To make money I picked up work as a busboy, valet parker, skateboard shop employee.

With Saturday Night Live you're looking for any hook, any way to stay on the show.

I never dated much in high school or college.

I'm like a Dilbert cartoon.

You got to dump her buddy. That girl's a prude, you don't want none of that. You want a girl like your Mama.

I started doing the star turn and making a profit off it. Now I'm kind of one of them.

I've got people who like Tommy Boy, but they're getting older and there's a whole new wave of college kids who see that and Joe Dirt, and Just Shoot Me is a little older, so I wanted stuff for everybody.

You can either look at things in a brutal, truthful way that's depressing, or you can screw around and have fun.

My career is just kind of crazy.

There are too many fawning entertainment shows out there and not one of them is making fun of it all.