Quotes & Jokes by David Spade / page 3

Success? You can't get a big head about it. When people stare at me, they could be whispering to their friend, 'That guy sucks! Have you seen him before? He's horrible.'

Life's a garden, dig it.

Everyone is so weird in L.A. that if you're somewhat normal, it's exotic.

Seriously, you don't have to know English. It'd be nice, a nice little plus. We don't want miracles. You don't have to know the country's language. But just some shapes, that's all. A square. A little geometry.

I'm like a Dilbert cartoon.

I started doing the star turn and making a profit off it. Now I'm kind of one of them.

I have no detectable hair style.

You got to dump her buddy. That girl's a prude, you don't want none of that. You want a girl like your Mama.

With Saturday Night Live you're looking for any hook, any way to stay on the show.

To make money I picked up work as a busboy, valet parker, skateboard shop employee.

I never dated much in high school or college.

You can either look at things in a brutal, truthful way that's depressing, or you can screw around and have fun.

My career is just kind of crazy.

To be famous and broke is hard.

I've got people who like Tommy Boy, but they're getting older and there's a whole new wave of college kids who see that and Joe Dirt, and Just Shoot Me is a little older, so I wanted stuff for everybody.