Quotes & Jokes by David Spade / page 3

Seriously, you don't have to know English. It'd be nice, a nice little plus. We don't want miracles. You don't have to know the country's language. But just some shapes, that's all. A square. A little geometry.

Everyone is so weird in L.A. that if you're somewhat normal, it's exotic.

Success? You can't get a big head about it. When people stare at me, they could be whispering to their friend, 'That guy sucks! Have you seen him before? He's horrible.'

I have no detectable hair style.

Life's a garden, dig it.

I never dated much in high school or college.

To make money I picked up work as a busboy, valet parker, skateboard shop employee.

I'm like a Dilbert cartoon.

With Saturday Night Live you're looking for any hook, any way to stay on the show.

I started doing the star turn and making a profit off it. Now I'm kind of one of them.

You got to dump her buddy. That girl's a prude, you don't want none of that. You want a girl like your Mama.

You can either look at things in a brutal, truthful way that's depressing, or you can screw around and have fun.

I've got people who like Tommy Boy, but they're getting older and there's a whole new wave of college kids who see that and Joe Dirt, and Just Shoot Me is a little older, so I wanted stuff for everybody.

My career is just kind of crazy.

To be famous and broke is hard.