Quotes & Jokes by Dick Gregory / page 2
If a man calls me a nigger, he is calling me something I am not. The nigger exists only in his own mind; therefore his mind is the nigger. I must feel sorry for such a man.
I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.
It was an unwritten law that black comics were not permitted to work white nightclubs. You could sing and you could dance, but you couldn't stand flat-footed and talk; that was a no-no.
You know why Madison Avenue advertising has never done well in Harlem? We're the only ones who know what it means to be Brand X.
King was really telling us it's not about love, it's about being lovable. 'I love you baby and if I can't have you no one else will is frightening,' but once you become lovable we become safe and that's where I think we'll end up.
Baseball is very big with my people. It figures. It's the only way we can get to shake a bat at a white man without starting a riot.
Coconut milk is the only thing on this planet that comes identically to mother's milk.
Black conservatives have a right to exist, but why would I want to walk around with a swastika on my shirt after the way Hitler done messed it up?
I wouldn't mind paying taxes - if I knew they were going to a friendly country.
You know, I always say white is not a colour, white is an attitude, and if you haven't got trillions of dollars in the bank that you don't need, you can't be white.
Just being a Negro doesn't qualify you to understand the race situation any more than being sick makes you an expert on medicine.
My belief is, you know, certain things have to be explained that's never been explained.
We used to root for the Indians against the cavalry, because we didn't think it was fair in the history books that when the cavalry won it was a great victory, and when the Indians won it was a massacre.