Quotes & Jokes by Dick Gregory / page 2
You know why Madison Avenue advertising has never done well in Harlem? We're the only ones who know what it means to be Brand X.
I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.
If a man calls me a nigger, he is calling me something I am not. The nigger exists only in his own mind; therefore his mind is the nigger. I must feel sorry for such a man.
It was an unwritten law that black comics were not permitted to work white nightclubs. You could sing and you could dance, but you couldn't stand flat-footed and talk; that was a no-no.
Baseball is very big with my people. It figures. It's the only way we can get to shake a bat at a white man without starting a riot.
King was really telling us it's not about love, it's about being lovable. 'I love you baby and if I can't have you no one else will is frightening,' but once you become lovable we become safe and that's where I think we'll end up.
You know, I always say white is not a colour, white is an attitude, and if you haven't got trillions of dollars in the bank that you don't need, you can't be white.
Black conservatives have a right to exist, but why would I want to walk around with a swastika on my shirt after the way Hitler done messed it up?
I wouldn't mind paying taxes - if I knew they were going to a friendly country.
Coconut milk is the only thing on this planet that comes identically to mother's milk.
In most places in the country, voting is looked upon as a right and a duty, but in Chicago it's a sport.
We used to root for the Indians against the cavalry, because we didn't think it was fair in the history books that when the cavalry won it was a great victory, and when the Indians won it was a massacre.
I went to Ethiopia, and it dawned on me that you can tell a starving, malnourished person because they've got a bloated belly and a bald head. And I realized that if you come through any American airport and see businessmen running through with bloated bellies and bald heads, that's malnutrition, too.