Quotes & Jokes by Dick Gregory / page 3

We used to root for the Indians against the cavalry, because we didn't think it was fair in the history books that when the cavalry won it was a great victory, and when the Indians won it was a massacre.

A friend of mine who works for naval intelligence said an aerial satellite revealed that 1.9 million attended the event in 1995. But if they would have had a rumble at the march the newspapers would have said that 75 million Afro-Americans were there.

Just being a Negro doesn't qualify you to understand the race situation any more than being sick makes you an expert on medicine.

And we love to dance, especially that new one called the Civil War Twist. The Northern part of you stands still while the Southern part tries to secede.

My belief is, you know, certain things have to be explained that's never been explained.

I waited at the counter of a white restaurant for eleven years. When they finally integrated, they didn't have what I wanted.

A politician is a person skilled in the art of compromise. Usually an elected official who has compromised to get nominated, compromised to get elected, and compromised repeatedly to stay in office.

When you have a good mother and no father, God kind of sits in. It's not enough, but it helps.

To me, seeing a really great comedian is a bit like watching a musician or a poet.

There's a God force inside of you that gives you a will to live.

When I go through the airport and see white women walking through the airport barefooted, like athlete's feet don't exist, there's something wrong.

America will tolerate the taking of a human life without giving it a second thought. But don't misuse a household pet.

The NAACP is a wonderful organization. Belong to it myself. But do you realize if tomorrow morning we had complete integration, all them cats would be out of work?

You hear entertainers all the time, saying, 'If I couldn't get paid for this, I'd do it for free.' When's the last time you ever heard a business person say, 'If I couldn't get paid for being chairman of British Petroleum, I'd do it for free'?

Nature is not affected by finance. If someone offered you ten thousand dollars to let them touch your eyeball without blinking, you would never collect the money. At the very last moment, Nature would force you to blink your eye. Nature will protect her own.