Quotes & Jokes by Don Rickles / page 2

To my knowledge, I was the first guy really to do what I do. And then later on different comedians started trying doing it.

I'm not a big one for jokes. I can't tell a joke, believe it or not. If you gave me a thousand bucks and said, 'Don, get up at a party and tell a joke', I'm the worst.

Sex is great, but when you get to be my age, you've got to pace it a little bit. Otherwise you get tired.

Once in a while, when I'm alone, I think about my age. I think, How many more years do I have on this earth? But I can't really conceive of dying. Somehow, in my head, I don't think I'll die. I know that everybody dies, of course. I just think that it'll never come to me. It's crazy, but there it is.

Whatever you do to gain success, you have to hang in there and hope good things happen. Always think positive.

I have to have energy because I have a lot of expenses. A couple of cars, couple of dogs and a big estate.

I'm very shy so I became very outgoing to protect my shyness.

Some people say funny things, but I say things funny.

When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket.

I've got an accountant who's been with me forty years. If he makes a mistake, he dies.

I was always the guy - out of insecurities, I was always making fun, even as a kid.

People think being in your seventies means sitting around in a chair with a blanket over your legs, drooling.

My whole act is off the top of my head.

I have a problem, if the light goes on on TV and it blinks midnight, I don't know how to fix it.

Room service is great if you want to pay $500 for a club sandwich.