Quotes & Jokes by Don Rickles / page 3

Everything I've ever done in my whole career, people might not know, I've never written anything down on paper.

I was a mother's boy.

Smartphones. Who cares? Smartphones. I only have dummy phones.

I cannot tell a joke. But I can do a situation, that it becomes a joke.

I have my own gym. When you do jokes and they sell, you get a gym.

The transformation has been unbelievable. When I started here, I worked in a place where the Sky Room was on the second floor.

I was sitting in the toilet and I was by myself. I was tired of playing with the roller, so I said I'd better write a book.

If I were to insult people and mean it, that wouldn't be funny.

I always rib people, but nobody ever gives me a hard time. I don't know why. Maybe they're afraid of what I might say. There's probably a lesson in that somewhere, but I don't know what it is.

In our day we went from - we went into saloons. We couldn't cross over like you can today, get a television series and all of a sudden you're a major movie star, you know.

I never went out looking for glory.

I still have drive, but everything is relative.

The old days were the old days. And they were great days. But now is now.

When you stand alone and sell yourself, you can't please everyone. But when you're different, you can last.

The thing I love about Vegas is that it's a melting pot. It's like working Ellis Island.