Quotes & Jokes by Don Rickles / page 3

Everything I've ever done in my whole career, people might not know, I've never written anything down on paper.

I was a mother's boy.

I cannot tell a joke. But I can do a situation, that it becomes a joke.

Smartphones. Who cares? Smartphones. I only have dummy phones.

I have my own gym. When you do jokes and they sell, you get a gym.

If I were to insult people and mean it, that wouldn't be funny.

I was sitting in the toilet and I was by myself. I was tired of playing with the roller, so I said I'd better write a book.

In our day we went from - we went into saloons. We couldn't cross over like you can today, get a television series and all of a sudden you're a major movie star, you know.

The transformation has been unbelievable. When I started here, I worked in a place where the Sky Room was on the second floor.

I never went out looking for glory.

I still have drive, but everything is relative.

The old days were the old days. And they were great days. But now is now.

The thing I love about Vegas is that it's a melting pot. It's like working Ellis Island.

When you stand alone and sell yourself, you can't please everyone. But when you're different, you can last.

Famous people are deceptive. Deep down, they're just regular people. Like Larry King. We've been friends for forty years. He's one of the few guys I know who's really famous. One minute he's talking to the president on his cell phone, and then the next minute he's saying to me, Do you think we ought to give the waiter another dollar?