Quotes & Jokes by Doug Stanhope / page 6
You want to help mother Earth? Try sodomy. Sodomy is eco-friendly, and abortion is green.
Alcohol does not make ugly people attractive. It makes it so you could care less that they're ugly.
How do you pledge allegiance to a government? That’s all America is: a government. There’s no such thing as ‘we’re Americans.’ That’s just trivial bullshit to get you rooting for the home team. You’re not an American. You’re a guy, you’re a person, you’re an individual.
Don't fucking work hard you die at the end, didn't anyone ever tell you that?
Sex and children are the two things that delude logic the most in this society.
"Some people just join the military because they need college money." Then they're idiots and college wasn't going to help.
Have you ever thought about registering as a sex offender just so your friends won’t bring their kids over to your house?
The good old days; it was good because they were young but they act like it was the day. No, youth is good. That's gone. You're fucked.
Fuck someone uglier than you every now and then, even if they don't deserve it; cos that makes people happy.
With all the horrible, horrible shit that your priest is pumping into your kid's head, his dick should be the least of your worries, honestly. That's just a little mouthwash and a few years of therapy'll get rid of that. That Jesus shit will torture you for a lifetime.