Quotes & Jokes by Doug Stanhope / page 7
Have you ever thought about registering as a sex offender just so your friends won’t bring their kids over to your house?
I couldn't possibly explain why the common person would be against something like that. It's all rooted in sexual hang-ups. The whole institution of marriage itself really has no place in a progressive society. I don't know why anyone would want to get married heterosexually, so why they'd be against homosexual marriage is flummoxing. I only use that word when I'm talking to someone from the British press.
Whether the reasoning for these laws is insurance costs, more opportunities for random taxation through traffic stops, curbing lost production or any other justification that could be offered, the bottom line is that it isn't governments place. You own your body. No legislation should infringe on that.
Give me tired old whore porn... I can imagine she would at least fuck you well.
There's only two types of people who are against drugs: the people who have never done drugs and the people who really sucked at doing drugs.
If you really believe death leads to eternal bliss then why are you wearing a seatbelt?
Fuck that. If it's stupid, change it... If it's a dumb law, don't have it.
If people would just fuck right away and stop all the song and dance that goes with it, we could have colonies on Mars by now.
The ultimate act of cowardice is the fat-headed wrestling guy sitting behind the frail kid in math class, clipping him on the ear, saying: 'What are you going to do about that, faggot?' That is cowardice. When the bullets start flying past that jock's saucer-shaped ears, that's not cowardice. That's payback.
I've never tried to drive my career in any particular direction. I've always been an in-the-moment, live-for-today guy. I've never had a goal, and nearly everything I've done has been an accident. I just play to me, and if I can amuse myself, I consider it a victory.
The whole institution of marriage itself really has no place in a progressive society.
This country is a big bloated celebrity that thinks it doesn't have to pay the cover charge.
You have options when it comes to abortion now. It's not like 1955 when you just had to kick her down a staircase and hope for the best.
When you give to American Throat Cancer or whatever, it's almost like you're trying to buy karma. But you don't feel good about it because you know most of that is going to mailers and buying pink ribbons. When you fucking actually change a life like that, I've never felt better. That's something that, hopefully, I'll be talking about when I'm up there.