Quotes & Jokes by Drew Carey / page 2

The people of Cleveland hate soccer. But it's my favourite thing and I follow the U.S. men's national team around when they play whenever I can.

When I thought I was retired, I wanted to travel around the world and watch soccer games.

I remember when I took a temp job... so I got a job at a department store. Something temporary to put on my resume, my parents said. Yeah... till I die!

I don't care if my jokes are appropriate for a kid.

My mind was a mess back then as I drove across the country. I was driving to clear my head, and all I could do was obsess on my uncertain future. It's like you're at a crap game, and on your biggest roll, the dice go in slow motion. For months, you watch them spin and roll and bounce around, waiting for them to land so you know if you're a winner or a loser. Total limbo.

I'm sorry if my friends make a bad impression, but it's an accurate one.

Every election I have to hold my nose to vote.

I was in the band when I was a kid, I played the trumpet.

Some people don't like competition because it makes them work harder, better.

I loved the old stories in National Lampoon, like the original story the movie Vacation was based on. I used to laugh at them until I cried.

I love the normalcy of Cleveland. There's regular people there.

You can buy liquor in a drive-thru store, but you can't smoke a joint in your own damn house.

It should be up to each bar owner and patron to decide if they want to smoke or not.

Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face.

I never thought I was a libertarian until I picked up Reason magazine and realized I agree with everything they had printed.