I don't know who you niggas are talking about "let's go back to Africa." But after seeing Hotel Rwanda and Blood Diamond, you can sell my ticket! I'm staying right here. I'll take my chances with the Klan. I can outrun a fat redneck, but I can't outrun no Tutu.
Earthquake Quotes and Jokes
Don't want to go down to Alabama. It's hot down there - slave heat. It was like 98 degrees at three in the morning. I was like, Alabama must got their own sun. I was hiding from the sun like it was the police.
You don't want to go down to Alabama. It's primitive. Don't take your phone down there - ain't no AT&T, ain't no Sprint. They call each other the old fashioned way: they use pigeons.
I love black women: burnt black, slave black. I love my woman so black, I just like her to lay in the bed, look like a hole in the sheets.
Ain't no black people don't fuck with no bombs. We don't fit that profile. 'Cause you've got to be on time with a bomb.
White people talking about how Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves. No he didn't; polyester did. They stopped wearing cotton; they had to let us go.
Used to go to church, but church is getting too expensive. Cover charge is a bitch. I went one Sunday; they was passing around eight, nine plates. I just pulled my own plate, started passing that around.
Some people say that Jesus was black. I don't know if that's true or not, but that would explain why it's taking him so long to come back.
I know how to get sisters. I got 30 years practicing that. All you got to do is go to the club and say, 'I got that rent money.'
Marriage is like having cable with just one channel: same thing come on everyday. You see other things come on, but you can't watch it.
I don't know what to tell a brother without no future. What do you tell him? What do you say on the phone? Keep your head up and your ass down.
At least drug dealers have some integrity. There is no integrity when it comes to entertainment.