Quotes & Jokes by Eddie Izzard / page 10
We will now sing forth, hymn 405, 'Oh God, what on earth is my hairdo all about?'
You can't land on the moon and say, "Ooh, it's all sticky! It's covered in jam!”
She said, "Spell 'ant' ", and I wrote out the entire alphabet. She said, "That doesn't spell 'ant' ", and I said, "It's in there somewhere! There's the A, there's the N, there's the T – the rest are silent!"
Agatha Christie? We go back years, me and Ag. She's a … she's just a … she's dead, isn't she?
I definitely have breast envy. When teenage girls were saying 'I wish I had breasts', I was thinking the same thing.
They say that 'Guns don't kill people, people kill people.' Well I think the gun helps. If you just stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
I'd be happy to be taken as a woman - and that's what I was initially trying to do when I started throwing on dresses and stuff. But that wasn't going to happen because everyone kept calling me sir. So I thought I'd change the method and just start wearing what I wanted to wear.
If you get anything creative going, then the work and play thing is the same thing, I feel.
I can go from blokey to girlie in 15 minutes and then I'm out the door. But that's the fastest I can do it. Becoming a woman takes work.