Quotes & Jokes by Gallagher / page 2
You know what's stupid? Skiing. You get on top of a slippery mountain with sleds on your feet and you go down... big deal. Try not to. Or, go up! Now that'd be a sport for ya!
I wish there was a knob on the TV so you could turn up the intelligence. They got one marked "brightness" but it don't work, does it?
I have to say something about people, even when it's somebody like Michael Jackson. I have to say something about a little dude who runs around the country wearing one glove and singing "Beat It!"
Sledge-O-Matic removes unwanted fingerprints from walls. Sledge-O-Matic also removes unwanted walls from fingerprints.
Wonder why it is God didn't give us wheels. He must've known we get skates for Christmas.
'I before E except after C?' Americans don't want to learn that! They just sort of make an 'I' looking 'E' and an 'E' looking 'I' then put the dot, right there in the middle!
People like crowds. The bigger the crowd, the more people show up. Small crowd, hardly anybody shows up.
Parents are trying to be friends with their kids rather than draw the line and tell them what proper public behavior would be.
I've come here tonight to San Jose, the only city in this nation smart enough to put its airport downtown where nobody cares.
Y'know, God experimented with the other animals before he got around to us. You ladies oughtta thank him for creating the cow, and getting that udder idea out of his head!
What can you say in America? Can I say Priscilla Presley has a big butt? Will I have to prove it in a court of law? Hey, Priscilla, you wanna back it on in here, huh? If she can fit in the witness chair we'll drop, Your Honor.