Quotes & Jokes by Gallagher / page 3
Frankie Valli sings 'Walk Like A Man, Talk Like A Man'... sings it like a woman!
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
What is dumber than a blind person with a gun? The idiot who handed them the gun. Where do you hide from a blind person with a gun? How do you make a noise that ain't like a rabbit?
Why do they call that funny little statue a bust when it stops right before the part of the body that it's named after?
Hey, what do you expect from a culture that drives on parkways and parks on driveways?
I want you to remember, behind every successful man is an amazed mother-in-law.
Why do they put the little "on/off" words on a light switch? If the light's on, you can see that it's on. If the light's off, it's too dark to see the words on the switch.
"Dodge" is the perfect word to put on the front of a van comin' at ya. If it says "Ram" on the side, they're after your ass.
Why do they call them cowboys? Cows is girls; bulls is boys. They should call them 'cowgirls' and 'bullboys.'
You listen to the world, you'll hear McDonald's say that eatin' there is like a symphony of taste. Yeah, my butt's the wind instrument and the fart's the whole note.
I saw a can said Pepsi Free and I said "That means it don't have Pepsi in it. That's a Coke." Hog futures; I heard that. Hogs don't have no future. Bacon is not a career.