Quotes & Jokes by Gallagher / page 3
Frankie Valli sings 'Walk Like A Man, Talk Like A Man'... sings it like a woman!
Hey, what do you expect from a culture that drives on parkways and parks on driveways?
Why do they call that funny little statue a bust when it stops right before the part of the body that it's named after?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
What is dumber than a blind person with a gun? The idiot who handed them the gun. Where do you hide from a blind person with a gun? How do you make a noise that ain't like a rabbit?
Why do they call them cowboys? Cows is girls; bulls is boys. They should call them 'cowgirls' and 'bullboys.'
"Dodge" is the perfect word to put on the front of a van comin' at ya. If it says "Ram" on the side, they're after your ass.
Why do they put the little "on/off" words on a light switch? If the light's on, you can see that it's on. If the light's off, it's too dark to see the words on the switch.
I want you to remember, behind every successful man is an amazed mother-in-law.
You listen to the world, you'll hear McDonald's say that eatin' there is like a symphony of taste. Yeah, my butt's the wind instrument and the fart's the whole note.
I saw a can said Pepsi Free and I said "That means it don't have Pepsi in it. That's a Coke." Hog futures; I heard that. Hogs don't have no future. Bacon is not a career.
Wonder why it is your underarms stink. Did it ever come in handy? Did you ever say "Well thank God my underarms stunk! He came out of the bushes and I said Get back! I've been to aerobics!"