Quotes & Jokes by Gary Gulman / page 2

No matter what time of year it's always funny when a person walks by me dressed in religious garb and I say Happy Halloween!

I did all those other jobs very poorly and half-heartedly really just to pay the bills while I went after this comedy dream.

Say what you will about Gypsy women, but they are remarkable assessors of blues guitar talent.

I just can't dance like no ones watching. I tried but it's futile.

Comedians: We're allowed to not have a podcast right?

Without my family, I'd be something.

What I need is an Urban Thesaurus. I know what "money" is what I need is 600 different ways to say it.

The other thing is that I’m a pretty moody guy, but no one really wants to see a normal-looking guy complain about things or talk about being unhappy. That’s hard. Most people are like, ‘Well, you have all your hair and you’re tall, so why are you unhappy?’ That can be limiting.

Ever drive by one of those things on the highway which tells you how fast you’re going? I don’t even pay attention to them anymore because I found a similar gadget in my dashboard… Some people slow down at those things… I don’t slow down. I speed up and set the high score.

So drug dealers don't find it funny when you ask for a receipt?

I sometimes throw in a couple of swears just to keep the Christian right off my tail. I wouldn’t want to be the tea party’s go-to comedian.

Are you allowed to smoke eCigarettes without arrogance?

There's a kiss at the end of the rainbow more precious than a pot of gold.

The key is to get it all down on paper before the coffee stops telling you you’re talented.

I think everything is fair game to a certain extent.