Quotes & Jokes by George Burns / page 7
If you stay in the business long enough and get to be old enough, you get to be new again.
In what other business can a guy my age drink martinis, smoke cigars and sing? I think all people who retire ought to go into show business. I've been retired all my life.
Dress simply. If you wear a dinner jacket, don't wear anything else on it... like lunch or dinner.
Grief and tragedy and hatred are only for a time. Goodness, remembrance and love have no end.
For thirty years my act consisted of one joke... and then she died.
When we played the back end of a horse we always knew that if we worked hard and did a good job we could become the front end.
If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.
Being an actor is easy, just picture someone in a room and you outside waiting for your cue to go in. Elliot Gould's been trying that for forty years.
Nudity has taken over all of show business. I went into a nightclub last week and a beautiful young girl came out onto the stage with nothing on and sang "On a clear day you can see forever."
There will always be a battle between the sexes because men and women want different things. Men want women and women want men.
Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house.