Quotes & Jokes by George Lopez / page 4
I actually graze at several of the homes while I'm playing. There a lot of food going on. I drink and eat and use the restrooms in a lot of the houses. What better way to really get closer to the fans than to steal their soap from the restrooms as they allow you to enter their homes?
When we got married, we agreed on a boy for me, and a girl for you. Mine's upstairs sleeping. Good luck with yours!
I've spent days in cinemas answering questions from the audience, in interviews, travelling abroad, and all they do is thank me nicely.
There's no one I admire more than Lee. To be Mexican-American at a time when our culture was really invisible, and to slay the best golfers in the world with a homemade, 'freehand' swing, which is such a Mexican thing, and for me to see that with the big eyes of a kid, as a lot of young kids connect success to Tiger, I connect my success to Lee. It turned out we both grew up knowing what it's like to be alone, we both learned how to mask some of that by being funny, and now to know him and love him, and have him love me more than anyone from my own upbringing, to have him call me 'My boy,' man, that's it.
At the factory, I deal with ex-cons, substance abusers, and sexual harassers. And I'm not just talking about my mom.
David Letterman is the best late-night talk show host right now, hands down, and has been since he first took the desk.
If laughter is the best medicine, I promise to continue to make you laugh as my wife and I work together with the National Kidney Foundation to save lives.
We have so many people in the camp that it's difficult for everybody to find a porta-potty. With 90,000 people at a game, you can imagine 10,000 standing in line.
I'd shake his hand, but I think that's what's holding up his pants.
When I look at the Gospel, I see how it is speaking to me at this time. I see how to be to others and it helps.
I have little compassion for people in trailer parks who refuse to move after getting tornado warnings. How hard is it for them to relocate? Their house have wheels.
As long as you are a tax deduction, you will always be safe in my house.
I love comedy and I would write things to myself as an exercise in writing. I didn't do well for years, and I quit. I started to break down why I was afraid and started to look at people I admired, like Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy, Freddie Prinze, George Carlin and all.