Quotes & Jokes by George Lopez / page 6

I don`t know what to do about Max, Angie! Last yeah he was up waiting for Santa, and this year him and his little friends on the roof jacking his sleigh! God knows what Carmen will do with the elfs...

I didn't come from a background where I saw a lot of loving couples. All my aunts and uncles were either split up or fighting all the time. The only healthy relationships I saw were on TV.

I had a very difficult childhood. I was surrounded by people who had both parents, which made me feel different. Having a bit of a rougher existence early on, it made me appreciate the work ethic that my grandparents instilled in me.

When you go to cable, there are no stations and no affiliates and they allow you to do your show.

The average late-night viewer is in their mid-50s and the average viewer of TBS is in their 30s and is largely African-American and Hispanic, already, before I even get there.

And really almost like every TV star who loses his job. Now what am I going to do, everybody asks. What am I going to do now? Like every TV star before I’m going to find some crack. I’m going to get on the pipe. Lose that unwanted 110 pounds I’ve been trying to lose.

Just ’cause you can’t control yours, don’t throw us all out!

It's not even about black and white anymore, because so many people are from mixed backgrounds and mixed ethnicities, and it's just a great time to be able to pull all that together.

I wanted my character to be accessible and nonthreatening.

Life is moments going by, but if you don't grab them, they're gone. For a long time, the only moments that were available were bad ones. So now I make sure to grab the good ones.

I've gotten in trouble with every race you can imagine.

[Seeing Benny's breast implants] My God, Mom! You swallowed a bouncy house!

Finally there is someone that you can invest in that looks like you, speaks like you, relates to things you relate to, and make our culture okay to talk about.

I can't pay her back, but what I can do is make her as happy as she thought I would when we first got married.

If the worst thing that can happen is that nobody laughs, then I can deal with that, because the worst thing that can happen at the factory is that I could lose a limb or be crushed by a huge machine.