Quotes & Jokes by Groucho Marx / page 2

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

Go, and never darken my towels again.

A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast