Quotes & Jokes by Groucho Marx / page 2

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.

A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast

Go, and never darken my towels again.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.