Quotes & Jokes by Groucho Marx / page 2

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.