Quotes & Jokes by Henny Youngman / page 15
A man says to another man, 'Can you tell me how to get to Central Park?' The guy says no. 'All right,' says the first, 'I'll mug you here.'
A bum told me, “I haven’t tasted food all week.” I told him, “Don’t worry, it still tastes the same.”
If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, “Are you comfortable?” The guys says, “I make a good living.”
The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered "So did my arthritis!"
Farrah's dressing room was next to mine. There was a little hole in the wall. I let her look.
His motto is "Love thy neighbour". His neighbour is an 18 year old hooker.