Quotes & Jokes by Henny Youngman / page 15
I came home, the car was in the dining room. "How did you get the car in here?" "Easy, I took a left at the kitchen."
I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered "So did my arthritis!"
A bum told me, “I haven’t tasted food all week.” I told him, “Don’t worry, it still tastes the same.”
My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, “Are you comfortable?” The guys says, “I make a good living.”
Farrah's dressing room was next to mine. There was a little hole in the wall. I let her look.
His motto is "Love thy neighbour". His neighbour is an 18 year old hooker.