Quotes & Jokes by J. B. Smoove / page 8

I wouldn't want to be someone's roommate, that's for sure. You can't do certain things: you can't leave the bathroom door open... you can't put your feet on the couch, you can't hide stuff in the couch.

You got to start by doing little things if your quest is to take over the world.

I was the hallway clown in high school.

I would only take a role that I know I'm comfortable in and I can do. I've turned down plenty of things because I'd feel it's not me, and I wouldn't want to come on someone's project and flip that.

Live TV has an amazing pace to it. You've got to be able to think quick, make changes last minute, and be funny and fast.

Being a parent is about your survival. Surviving the terrible two's is the most important thing.

What happens in improv is you create your own storyline.

All you wanna do in life is do what you do well. That's when you're happiest.

'The ruckus' is different experiences you go through throughout your life which builds your ruckus points up - your tolerance. You've got to have a high tolerance for dealing with stuff all the time.

I may even show up behind the camera. I love to put things together; I love to give direction. I have a great eye for pace.

Just broke up with somebody. Well, it wasn't really a break up, it was a booty call I might have took too serious.

If I had signed my fourth season of SNL, I wouldn’t have ever had the opportunity to do Curb Your Enthusiasm. If my buddy OG Pearson wouldn’t have passed away, I wouldn’t have been in L.A. for his memorial, and I would’ve never auditioned for Curb.

I just always found it easier to be the same guy onstage as you are offstage.

I'm afraid one thing - I don't like heights. Heights bug me out. I'm not cool with heights. I refuse to do a comedy show 12 stories up. I'm fearless about everything else.

I believe, even when I'm doing my standup or my acting or whatever I'm doing, I believe in painting pictures.