Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 10
My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.
If your dad walks you to school because you're in the same grade, you might be a redneck.
You might be a redneck if your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.
You might be a redneck if you take your dog for a walk and you both use the tree at the corner.
The things that I'm talking about not knowing, they're not mysteries of the universe; it's just stuff I thought I would know by the time I was thirty-nine.
You might be a redneck if you've ever shot somebody over a mall parking space.
I don't know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan's Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles.
You might be a redneck if your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
If the veins in the back of your legs look like the street map of greater Pittsburgh, you ain't nobody's "babydoll".
If you think the last four words to the national anthem are "gentleman, start your engines", you might be a redneck.
You might be a redneck if you celebrate Groundhog Day because you believe in it.
Thank God I'm at that point in my career where I don't have to take stuff that I don't really want to do.
I think for one thing, kids are a lot smarter now then we ever were.