Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 10

You might be a redneck if your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.

You might be a redneck if you’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You might be a redneck if you go to the family reunion to meet women.

The things that I'm talking about not knowing, they're not mysteries of the universe; it's just stuff I thought I would know by the time I was thirty-nine.

You might be a redneck if you've ever shot somebody over a mall parking space.

You might be a redneck if you take your dog for a walk and you both use the tree at the corner.

I think for one thing, kids are a lot smarter now then we ever were.

I don't know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan's Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles.

Thank God I'm at that point in my career where I don't have to take stuff that I don't really want to do.

I love comedy. God has given me this platform.

You might be a redneck if a full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.

You might be a redneck if your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.

If you think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 miles per hour... you might be a redneck.

If the veins in the back of your legs look like the street map of greater Pittsburgh, you ain't nobody's "babydoll".

If you think the last four words to the national anthem are "gentleman, start your engines", you might be a redneck.