Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 9

I hope someday we can stamp out illiteracy in America. Of course you'll have to kill alot of my relatives to do it.

You might be a redneck if you've ever worn a dress that is strapless with a bra that isn't.

You might be a redneck if you've ever taken an RV to a drive-in movie.

You might be a redneck if you think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just "misunderstood".

You might be a redneck if on your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.

The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.

You might be a redneck if you have every episode of "Hee Haw" on tape.

You might be a redneck if you go to the family reunion to meet women.

You might be a redneck if your underwear doubles as your bathing suit.

You might be a redneck if you think a chain saw is a musical instrument.

You might be a redneck if the flood history of the area can be seen on your living room walls.

You might be a redneck if the UFO hotline limits you to one call a day.

You might be a redneck if your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.

I don't know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan's Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles.

My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.