Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 9
You might be a redneck if the UFO hotline limits you to one call a day.
My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.
You might be a redneck if you’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You might be a redneck if you've ever shot somebody over a mall parking space.
The things that I'm talking about not knowing, they're not mysteries of the universe; it's just stuff I thought I would know by the time I was thirty-nine.
You might be a redneck if the flood history of the area can be seen on your living room walls.
If your dad walks you to school because you're in the same grade, you might be a redneck.
You might be a redneck if you think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just "misunderstood".
You might be a redneck if you go to the family reunion to meet women.
Thank God I'm at that point in my career where I don't have to take stuff that I don't really want to do.
The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house.
You might be a redneck if you can't get married to your sweetheart because there is a law against it.
I think for one thing, kids are a lot smarter now then we ever were.
The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.