Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 13
You might be a redneck if the first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy!", "Hey!" or "How Y'all Doin'?"
That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.
You might be a redneck if your momma has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?
You might be a redneck if you are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.
You might be a redneck if you're still scalping tickets after the concert is over.
You might be a redneck if... you think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.
You might be a redneck if you've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.
You might be a redneck if you empty the bed of your pickup truck by driving backwards really fast and then slamming on the brakes.
You might be a redneck if your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
You might be a redneck if you've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.
You might be a redneck if you have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
My mom thinks my new daughter is exceptionally bright, because now she will lie on the floor and talk to the ceiling fan. I said, "Mom, Uncle Harold does that and y'all call him an alcoholic."
You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.