Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 13
There's a whole segment of the population with a mentality that bases good times on where they can go and what they can buy.
A free book that comes to my house full of nothing but women in their underwear? God Bless America!
You might be a redneck if you've sat on the toilet until your legs fell asleep.
If you’ve ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog, you might be a redneck.
You might be a redneck if you empty the bed of your pickup truck by driving backwards really fast and then slamming on the brakes.
You might be a redneck if the first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy!", "Hey!" or "How Y'all Doin'?"
Hell, when I was in high school, a "drive-by shooting" meant somebody had their rear end hanging out a car window!
You might be a redneck if you've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.
You might be a redneck if the neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
You might be a redneck if you've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.
You might be a redneck if you're still scalping tickets after the concert is over.
You might be a redneck if your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.
My mom thinks my new daughter is exceptionally bright, because now she will lie on the floor and talk to the ceiling fan. I said, "Mom, Uncle Harold does that and y'all call him an alcoholic."
You might be a redneck if you are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.