Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 13
You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.
You might be a redneck if you've sat on the toilet until your legs fell asleep.
You might be a redneck if the first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy!", "Hey!" or "How Y'all Doin'?"
You might be a redneck if you empty the bed of your pickup truck by driving backwards really fast and then slamming on the brakes.
You might be a redneck if the neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
There's a whole segment of the population with a mentality that bases good times on where they can go and what they can buy.
Hell, when I was in high school, a "drive-by shooting" meant somebody had their rear end hanging out a car window!
If you’ve ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog, you might be a redneck.
You might be a redneck if you've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.
You might be a redneck if you've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.
You might be a redneck if the receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.
My mom thinks my new daughter is exceptionally bright, because now she will lie on the floor and talk to the ceiling fan. I said, "Mom, Uncle Harold does that and y'all call him an alcoholic."
You might be a redneck if you're still scalping tickets after the concert is over.
You might be a redneck if... you think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.