Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 13

There's a whole segment of the population with a mentality that bases good times on where they can go and what they can buy.

Hell, when I was in high school, a "drive-by shooting" meant somebody had their rear end hanging out a car window!

You might be a redneck if you empty the bed of your pickup truck by driving backwards really fast and then slamming on the brakes.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

You might be a redneck if your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.

You might be a redneck if the first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy!", "Hey!" or "How Y'all Doin'?"

You might be a redneck if you're still scalping tickets after the concert is over.

You might be a redneck if you've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.

You might be a redneck if you are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.

You might be a redneck if your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

If you’ve ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.

You might be a redneck if... you think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.

You might be a redneck if your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.

My mom thinks my new daughter is exceptionally bright, because now she will lie on the floor and talk to the ceiling fan. I said, "Mom, Uncle Harold does that and y'all call him an alcoholic."