Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 13

You might be a redneck if people are scared to touch your wife's bathrobe.

You might be a redneck if you empty the bed of your pickup truck by driving backwards really fast and then slamming on the brakes.

If your biggest tax deduction was bail money, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if taking a dip has nothing to do with water.

You might be a redneck if you're still scalping tickets after the concert is over.

If you’ve ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you're moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing "I Will Always Love You".

I've said before that working with Larry is kind of like watching the Jerry Springer Show. After about five minutes, you will feel better about your own family.

You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

You might be a redneck if... you think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.

You might be a redneck if you move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.

You might be a redneck if you think 'N Sync is where the dirty dishes go.

You might be a redneck if you've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.

You might be a redneck if your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.

My mom thinks my new daughter is exceptionally bright, because now she will lie on the floor and talk to the ceiling fan. I said, "Mom, Uncle Harold does that and y'all call him an alcoholic."