Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 14
You might be a redneck if you refer to your wife and mother-in-law as "dual air bags".
You might be a redneck if your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.
You might be a redneck if the receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.
You might be a redneck if you've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.
You might be a redneck if you move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.
You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on.
You might be a redneck if the neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
There's a whole segment of the population with a mentality that bases good times on where they can go and what they can buy.
My mom thinks my new daughter is exceptionally bright, because now she will lie on the floor and talk to the ceiling fan. I said, "Mom, Uncle Harold does that and y'all call him an alcoholic."
My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.
If someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle, you might be a redneck.
You might be a redneck if your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.