Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 14

You might be a redneck if you missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.

You might be a redneck if you're still scalping tickets after the concert is over.

You might be a redneck if you're moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing "I Will Always Love You".

You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

You might be a redneck if on stag night, you take a real deer.

You might be a redneck if you think Old Yeller is a movie about your brother's tooth.

You might be a redneck if your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

You might be a redneck if your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.

My mom thinks my new daughter is exceptionally bright, because now she will lie on the floor and talk to the ceiling fan. I said, "Mom, Uncle Harold does that and y'all call him an alcoholic."

I've said before that working with Larry is kind of like watching the Jerry Springer Show. After about five minutes, you will feel better about your own family.

You might be a redneck if you think 'N Sync is where the dirty dishes go.

You might be a redneck if your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.

You might be a redneck if the neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.

You might be a redneck if... you think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.

You might be a redneck if you refer to your wife and mother-in-law as "dual air bags".