Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 14
You might be a redneck if your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.
You might be a redneck if you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.
You might be a redneck if you refer to your wife and mother-in-law as "dual air bags".
You might be a redneck if your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
You might be a redneck if the receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.
You might be a redneck if the neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
There's a whole segment of the population with a mentality that bases good times on where they can go and what they can buy.
You might be a redneck if you watch cartoons long after your kids get bored.
My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.
Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on.
That's just something instinctual within men. We always feel like we've got to protect our stuff. Even if it's not worth protecting, we want to protect it. You ever seen people who have like a piece of crap Pinto with a Club on the steering wheel. Somebody breaks the window, steals the Club, leaves the Pinto in a pile of glass.
You might be a redneck if Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.
You might be a redneck if you have the electronic singing fish in more than three rooms in your house.