Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 15
You might be a redneck if your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
You might be a redneck if the receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.
My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.
You might be a redneck if Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.
That's just something instinctual within men. We always feel like we've got to protect our stuff. Even if it's not worth protecting, we want to protect it. You ever seen people who have like a piece of crap Pinto with a Club on the steering wheel. Somebody breaks the window, steals the Club, leaves the Pinto in a pile of glass.
You might be a redneck if you have the electronic singing fish in more than three rooms in your house.
You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on.
You might be a redneck if your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
It's like being the National Guard, we may not be seeing as much action as the front line, but we are living to fight another day.
You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
If someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle, you might be a redneck.
You might be a redneck if your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.
You might be a redneck if you're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.