Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 15
You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.
You might be a redneck if you've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.
That's just something instinctual within men. We always feel like we've got to protect our stuff. Even if it's not worth protecting, we want to protect it. You ever seen people who have like a piece of crap Pinto with a Club on the steering wheel. Somebody breaks the window, steals the Club, leaves the Pinto in a pile of glass.
You might be a redneck if you have a Hefty bag for a convertible top.
You might be a redneck if your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
You might be a redneck if Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.
You might be a redneck if you think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
You might be a redneck if you have the electronic singing fish in more than three rooms in your house.
You might be a redneck if you have used a bar stool as a walker.
You might be a redneck if your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center.
You might be a redneck if you're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.
You might be a redneck if you've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.