Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 15
You might be a redneck if you missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.
You might be a redneck if you think 'N Sync is where the dirty dishes go.
If your biggest tax deduction was bail money, you might be a redneck.
You might be a redneck if your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
I've said before that working with Larry is kind of like watching the Jerry Springer Show. After about five minutes, you will feel better about your own family.
You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
You might be a redneck if you have the electronic singing fish in more than three rooms in your house.
My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.
You might be a redneck if Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.
You might be a redneck if your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
It's like being the National Guard, we may not be seeing as much action as the front line, but we are living to fight another day.
That's just something instinctual within men. We always feel like we've got to protect our stuff. Even if it's not worth protecting, we want to protect it. You ever seen people who have like a piece of crap Pinto with a Club on the steering wheel. Somebody breaks the window, steals the Club, leaves the Pinto in a pile of glass.
You might be a redneck if you have a Hefty bag for a convertible top.