Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 15
You may be a redneck if... you think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard.
You might be a redneck if... you think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.
You might be a redneck if you think 'N Sync is where the dirty dishes go.
I've said before that working with Larry is kind of like watching the Jerry Springer Show. After about five minutes, you will feel better about your own family.
You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
You might be a redneck if your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
That's just something instinctual within men. We always feel like we've got to protect our stuff. Even if it's not worth protecting, we want to protect it. You ever seen people who have like a piece of crap Pinto with a Club on the steering wheel. Somebody breaks the window, steals the Club, leaves the Pinto in a pile of glass.
You might be a redneck if you have the electronic singing fish in more than three rooms in your house.
My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.
You might be a redneck if your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on.
It's like being the National Guard, we may not be seeing as much action as the front line, but we are living to fight another day.
You might be a redneck if Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.